Underwear shall herein be referred to as 'package'.
When obtaining the package, one should assume military type protocol. Get in, secure the package, get out.
No time to check out the latest arrivals from say Afghanistan: hmm, looks pretty much like a burka, ooh elastic, you don't get that on a burka burka.
Just in from China: with instant butt enhancements, what? celebrity prototypes, what? A J-lo? i could rock this, maybe shorten my name and learn some Spanish too. Kind of package that transforms you, makes you a better person. That's the kind of package one needs right?
No gaddemit! You been in too long, you been made, you been shot.
I went in, retrieved the package, went straight to checkout.
Then it started. People around me started thinking with their eyes, the checkout guy, eyeballing me, eyeballing the package, glancing at the guy behind me, who then eyeballs my backside, then the package... what?! huh?! what?!
I shove the cash in his hand, he slowly rings the package, the bagger slowly bags the package. No change, leave the receipt, no trail. Packages tend to make one paranoid, that it does. Like when ones package is say, torn, then the said one has a guilty look all day, and spontaneously breaks into a sweat.
This is where adjustable X-ray vision would come in handy, military type issue of course and adjustable as shrinks don't come cheap. I would have immense pleasure in making people squirm: spiderman?! what are you? five?... mmmh black on black, nice...
I get home, I lock the door, draw the curtains, then open the package. Bloody Bollocks! polka dots, orange on purple!, stripes, hot pink and purple! solid hot pink, solid blue...daisies?! I threw up a bit in my mouth. Might as well join the circus, hell I got costumes.
Hot pink! I bet they glow in the dark...those could come in handy what with the darned KPLC, bumped my toe too many a night, that darn insomniac next door will definitely ask about it...'oooh what was that glowing at your place last night?' ...'candle' ...'never seen a hot pink candle before' ... 'Chinese'. They should make those.
I noticed that the blue ones run hey what if I'm on a really long bus ride on a really hot day and get sick and need a shot...'ooooh what do we have here?'....'are you breathing okay?' ...'do you feel any pain in your lungs when inhaling?'... 'any respiratory problems in your family?'...'hmmm this is strange.' All this time I'm shaking my head...wait there was this one time I held my breath really long because a bug went up my nose and I didn't want to breathe it all the way in until I found a tissue to blow it out and I was at a really posh place so the other way of blowing stuff out your nose was not an option and I thus had this constipated look on...woah that's a mouthful, need to breathe.
'Is there a problem doctor?' ... 'Well your ass is blue.'
When obtaining the package, one should assume military type protocol. Get in, secure the package, get out.
No time to check out the latest arrivals from say Afghanistan: hmm, looks pretty much like a burka, ooh elastic, you don't get that on a burka burka.
Just in from China: with instant butt enhancements, what? celebrity prototypes, what? A J-lo? i could rock this, maybe shorten my name and learn some Spanish too. Kind of package that transforms you, makes you a better person. That's the kind of package one needs right?
No gaddemit! You been in too long, you been made, you been shot.
I went in, retrieved the package, went straight to checkout.
Then it started. People around me started thinking with their eyes, the checkout guy, eyeballing me, eyeballing the package, glancing at the guy behind me, who then eyeballs my backside, then the package... what?! huh?! what?!
I shove the cash in his hand, he slowly rings the package, the bagger slowly bags the package. No change, leave the receipt, no trail. Packages tend to make one paranoid, that it does. Like when ones package is say, torn, then the said one has a guilty look all day, and spontaneously breaks into a sweat.
This is where adjustable X-ray vision would come in handy, military type issue of course and adjustable as shrinks don't come cheap. I would have immense pleasure in making people squirm: spiderman?! what are you? five?... mmmh black on black, nice...
I get home, I lock the door, draw the curtains, then open the package. Bloody Bollocks! polka dots, orange on purple!, stripes, hot pink and purple! solid hot pink, solid blue...daisies?! I threw up a bit in my mouth. Might as well join the circus, hell I got costumes.
Hot pink! I bet they glow in the dark...those could come in handy what with the darned KPLC, bumped my toe too many a night, that darn insomniac next door will definitely ask about it...'oooh what was that glowing at your place last night?' ...'candle' ...'never seen a hot pink candle before' ... 'Chinese'. They should make those.
I noticed that the blue ones run hey what if I'm on a really long bus ride on a really hot day and get sick and need a shot...'ooooh what do we have here?'....'are you breathing okay?' ...'do you feel any pain in your lungs when inhaling?'... 'any respiratory problems in your family?'...'hmmm this is strange.' All this time I'm shaking my head...wait there was this one time I held my breath really long because a bug went up my nose and I didn't want to breathe it all the way in until I found a tissue to blow it out and I was at a really posh place so the other way of blowing stuff out your nose was not an option and I thus had this constipated look on...woah that's a mouthful, need to breathe.
'Is there a problem doctor?' ... 'Well your ass is blue.'
